Thursday, October 31, 2013
Did you know there are people out there who give out Chick Tracts instead of candy on Halloween? Yeah, that happens. If we go back to my old neighborhood, I could point out the house that did that to us as kids. He was hated more than the guy who gave out raisins or pennies with needles in them.
Take a gander at the story presented here. You can compare this to the tract itself (no, I am not giving Jack Chick any web hits, so you're safe).
I assure you, the laughable production values pay perfect homage to the source. Consider yourself saved.
Tuesday, October 29, 2013
Besides John Carradine, this flick also boasts Lon Cheney Jr. and Roger Gentry!
This is a hilariously bad movie. I really had some trouble getting through "The Witch's Clock", but once you crest that hump, it's smooth sailing.
Also: it's got a character named "Alucard", so there's your cheap anime connection.
Monday, October 28, 2013
Sunday, October 27, 2013
Friday, October 25, 2013
Thursday, October 24, 2013
You know how much blood is in this movie? It will surprise you.
Amicus productions put out several horror anthology flicks, and we've got the last weekend of Horvent (my name for the Advent for Halloween) coming up. Maybe you'll have a party. Here are some movies I can suggest.
I have no idea why the trailer is in black-and-white; the movie isn't.
Anything with David Warner in it is good. Except Time After Time.
See that little dance Christopher Lee does when the hand grabs him? I did that once. A gecko had run up my pant-leg.
BURGESS FREAKIN' MEREDITH. Nothing more need be said.
I like ending on Vincent Price. Sadly, this movie also features musical numbers and they're very 80s. BUT! Go about 3:00 in on this clip:
Tuesday, October 22, 2013
More importantly, it gave us the title for this song:
Oh, 80s. You're so wacky. Let's try that opening theme again with the theremin.
Yeah! It's the closing credits for "Outer Limits"! Big surprise. Let's see what else they have going on.
So, I heard that new "Carrie" movie came out. How is that?
Thursday, October 17, 2013
Oooooooh, it's Hammer, so you know it's good.
Apparently, in 2003, this show pegged number 50 in the 100 scariest moments, and when Channel 4 aired the list, the clip (at 1:26:05) was the party from "The House that Bled to Death". I've got to say, that scene made me laugh so hard, I had hot chocolate spiked with rum shooting out of my nose (the rum is what hurt).
Nonetheless, it's a good series with some truly creeptastic moments. And you can get it on DVD. Awesomesauce! It's well worth it.
Here; let me show you what I mean.
Moral of the story: Do not trust Peter Cushing.
Tuesday, October 15, 2013
Yep, we're all about short-lived series over here. Nightmare Cafe is just one of them.
I'v echecked to see if you can get this on DVD, and it looks like it came out once but has since gone out of print. No luck renting that, then! However, if you can stand to watch them in 5-minute bursts, it's on YouTube. I'm not posting links; I'm just letting you know it's out there.
What's really remarkable about the show, besides its short run of five+pilot, is the amazing amount of talent that worked on the show. Having gone through a couple episodes, I don't know why it was cancelled.
Now, a story!
This happened to a friend of mine who was working a convention. She was in the middle of breaking down her booth when she saw Robert Englund walking by and mentioned to him that she'd seen Nightmare Cafe and enjoyed it very much. He put his arm around her and offered to buy her a drink. She had to turn him down because she was breaking down her booth.
IF YOU CAN BELIEVE THAT.
Sunday, October 13, 2013
Thursday, October 10, 2013
I'm of two minds about this movie. On one side, I'm geeking out there's a Vincent Price movie I didn't know about. On the other side, I've watched this flick. It really could have been more.
Naw, I'm messing with you. It's awful. There's not much that could be done to make it better.
Vincent is the frame story on this one: both as a mailman who delivers the unordered VHS tape, then as the host of said tape. You could leave him out of the production altogether and the only thing you'd lose is someone going, "Oh, hey! A Vincent Price movie I haven't seen!"
The first story, "A Little Fishy" (7:40) goes where you knew it would go quickly enough to make it painless.
"Coffee Break" (12:45), on the other hand, wants you to slow down and take it easy. Don't be in such a rush to get to the punch-line! Here, have a cup of muddy water.
I didn't watch "Who's There" (26:48) without skipping through parts, so I can't say much for it. I can say it sucks, but that's about it.
"Jonah's Dream" (33:30) wants to be uplifting. I did actually get out of my chair to get something to snack on during this one. I didn't bother pausing.
"Think Twice" (53:56) has the soundtrack you've been waiting for. And the mustache. And the John Oates looking antagonist. And the crystal. What it does not have is any explanation for what happens or why.
I was kinda hoping this would be the story about the bum who finds the alien spaceship in an alley and mistakes it for a can of sardines. I only remember it was in OMNI magazine, but if you find it or remember anything about that story, please let me know.
By (1:02:00), we're back to the living room of our frame story. But wait! Vincent said there would be SIX stories! Yeah, we're gonna get a recap disguised as a stinger. You can watch that one on your own. The only good thing about it is Vincent's wonderful, wonderful laugh.
DAVID STEENSLAND, I WILL HUNT YOU DOWN AND MAKE YOU PAY.
Tuesday, October 08, 2013
Oh, that theme music.... This show always came on in the middle of the night, after my family had gone to bed, so I hardly ever got to share it with anyone.
I discovered this was a common affliction when, in mentioning it to a friend, she exclaimed, "It IS real!" You see, she had never gotten to watch it with anyone else either. It was just one of those things you watched by yourself, in the dark.
George Romero released this on us in 1984. He'd done pretty well with his movie Creepshow and the small screen was a fine way to cash in. The cycle was completed with the 1990 release of Tales from the Darkside: The Movie, which featured its own version of the Snow Maiden story (but with gargoyles! What a twist!).
You can actually get all four seasons and the movie on DVD. However...
(Here's part two.)
I do want to share this one with you and it's an awful quality transfer, so I don't feel bad about posting it. This comes with a story:
On one of the extraordinarily rare cases when someone watched this show with someone else (namely, me and my mom), it was an episode with Divine in it. There's his name, right there, in the opening credits.
Mom started laughing. "Divine! Oh my!"
I asked who Divine was. "Oh, you'll see," she said.
So when Divine showed up, my mom said, "Oh," and "That's not right," and "Well, I guess it is him." And when I asked what the deal was, she said, "He looks completely different. Nevermind."
And, yes, that is David Gale, with more than just his head, as the dad.
Funny thing, when Divine says, "Nothing like Tibet! They are Reformed! We are Orthodox!" it just tells me they're Red Hat sect Buddhists, not Yellow Hat. That's a thing. Go look it up.
Saturday, October 05, 2013
This is one of the greatest horror anthology movies you are ever going to see. Oh! it's just dripping with style.
It's so chock-full of style, Akira Kurosawa did his own version of the Snow Maiden. That's a very good story, actually. We might have to come back to that.
These stories come to us from Lafcadio Hern's book, Kwaidan (go check it out!). He had a pretty amazing life.
Someone needs to do a chibi version of this, like, yesterday. We can call it "Kawaiidan".
Dibs on that gag.
Thursday, October 03, 2013
Oh man, it was a sleeper alright. Parts of it were an absolute snooze-fest. But, you can't rent it, so you know what that means!
There were some stories for the TV Darkroom that were just too...dark? Gorey. Expensive to film. If you'd seen Darkroom, you'll see a lot of the same names attached to this project. Christopher Crowe was all over this baby.
This is not a good movie. It has moments, like the "grasping the areal on the car and then it wiping back and forth" in the first story, "Terror in Topanga", which was cheese blocking but strangely effective.
The second story, "The Bishop of Battle", is the one most folks who have seen this will remember. We were joking about how funny it was that people thought you could make any money as "video game hustler". Well, it was the 80s.
Hey! Check out this fantastic thing A\Very found! (Warning: sound auto-plays.)
For me, the third story, "The Benediction", was the best. The story-telling is tight enough (in context), and Lance puts on a good show. I love the truck bursting from the ground (thanks for spoiling that, trailer). The story isn't too complex or obvious with where it's going and it resolves as it should.
Ugh! Finally we get "Night of the Rat". This is truly terrible. Fresh off the set of Alien, Veronica Cartwright is perfectly hysterical throughout. Richard Masur is a dickish dad, but I keep waiting for him to burst out with a BOOGEDY!!! ....just kidding..... The monster reveal at the end is of such laughably poor quality that it sucks the drama away and leaves the audience feeling cheated. You want to make rats scarey? DON'T SHOW THEM. Heck, I learned that watching During Barty's Party.
Oh man, Beasts was some actual nightmare inducing stuff. That was a great series.
Tuesday, October 01, 2013
On a whim, I went looking for this show. I hadn't seen it since it first aired, back when I was in first grade, but I remembered it. Oh, but I remembered it...
Surprisingly, there weren't that many episodes. After re-watching the series, I realized that some of these tales were ones I mistakenly thought were Twilight Zone (the 80s version, obviously), or Night Gallery. We'll come back to those shows later in the month, but it's interesting to me how the genre of "thriller" shows all blend together after a while.
Now, I assure you, if there were any other way to get a hold of this show, I'd provide it. It's not on DVD, so you can't buy or rent it, and that's the only reason I'm willing to post links to the videos themselves. If there's another way, we like to take the legal option.
|01||"Closed Circuit"||A TV newsman (Robert Webber) finds he is being replaced -- by his projected image.
The subject was handled better in this episode than inLooker.
|02||"Stay Tuned, We'll Be Right Back"||A man (Lawrence Pressman) discovers his child's crystal radio is receiving clear broadcasts -- from 1942.|
|Episode Two||False Identities|
|03||"The Bogeyman Will Get You"||A teenager (Quinn Cummings) believes she's discovered a vampire (Randolph Powell).|
|04||"Uncle George"||A poor couple (Claude Akins, June Lockhart) try to find someone to pose as their late uncle, whose pension they can't afford to lose.|
|Episode Three||Dolls and Action Figures|
|05||"Needlepoint"||A woman (Esther Rolle) uses voodoo to avenge her granddaughter's death.|
|06||"Siege of 31 August"||A farmer (Ronny Cox) is tormented by his memories of war when his son's toy soldiers come to life.|
|Episode Four||The Mob|
|07||"A Quiet Funeral"||A quiet funeral is the setting for a double-crossed forger's revenge.|
|08||"Make Up"||A magic makeup case transforms a loser (Billy Crystal) into a winner. Sadly, the transfer obscures the final shot on this story, but you should already know what the punchline is.|
|Episode Five||Inhuman Things|
|09||"The Partnership"||An old man's eerie partnership allows him to live well in a crumbling town.|
|10||"Daisies"||A filandering botanist develops a machine that reads the thoughts of daisies.|
|11||"Catnip"||A ruthless young man (Cyril O'Reilly) is stalked by a demonic black cat.|
|12||"Lost in Translation"||An archaeology professor (Andrew Prine) seeks power over others through a magic formula.|
|13||"Guillotine"||A 19th-century Frenchwoman tries to save her lover from the guillotine.|
|Episode Seven||Acts and Lies|
|14||"Exit Line"||An aspiring actor (Stan Shaw) takes revenge on an acerbic critic (Samantha Eggar).|
|15||"Who's There?"||A husband (Michael Lembeck) sets a trap for his unfaithful wife (Dianne Kay).|
|16||"The Rarest of Wines"||Son (Henry Polic II) is unhappy about what he received in the will of his recently deceased mother.|
As you can see, horror anthologies were the morality plays of the 80s. I'm sure the consistent lesson of "Don't be a douche" was the only reason my folks ever let me watch stuff like this.
Enjoy! I'll be back on Thursday with a special treat.