Sunday, January 30, 2005

PONG [2001]

"The entire movie explained in the captions" Corn Pone Flicks combines a by-the-numbers heistsploitation fix with a retro video game chaser. And where is that Police Motorcycle, anyway?

Thursday, January 20, 2005

AnimeHELL Bittorrent Tracker

We've got a working Bittorent Tracker set up. So, to start things off I'm torrenting Episode One of Prince Planet. Lemme know if there's any problems!

Going through HELL

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Wednesday, January 19, 2005 - When I Saw Heino, I Knew I was in (Anime) Hell:

Adventures at Animazement 2004
Nice write up and name check from

"I love Anime Hell. The name tends to fluctuate, but the content always remains the same: strange, bizarre, and occasionally grotesque videos. It’s less anime-centric than you’d think—after all, it’s during Anime Hell that I met my hero, a folksy (and incredibly deep-voiced) German singer named Heino. That said, they played a nice variety of clips this year, ranging from The Cartoon All-Stars (best cartoon crossover-slash-drug awareness video ever made) to cleanliness propaganda starring a large bar of soap that makes nighttime visits with an underage boy. Needless to say, time flies by and the videos, more often than not, are hilarious. Two clips in particular were especially pertinent to the whole “pirates versus ninjas” battle going on. While the first clip starred two ninjas, the second pitted those same ninjas against a group of drunken pirates. The question on everyone’s mind: Who would win in a ninja-pirate dance-off?"

Tuesday, January 18, 2005

Uncle Goddamn

I was over at my friend Josh's house on Sunday night and had few G&Ts and watched a DVD he'd picked up on saturday called UNCLE GODDAMN. I walked in halfway through a home video scene where the titular Uncle Goddamn is passed out on a couch in a double wide and his family is applying silver spray paint to his face. Uncle's responce? Unintelligable drawling punctuated by "Gawdamm!" But wait! Now Uncle is passed out again, so his family SETS HIS CROTCH ON FIRE and squirts lighter fluid on him. I can't describe it better then that. This may be too cruel for AnimeHELL, but it's something that Surat would show at his Video Sadismo. Posted by Hello

Monday, January 17, 2005

"Stay behind my aura! "

Now you too can be as cool as Sean Connery with your very own ZARDOZ Mask! Just go to print out the paper model and dig in with your x-acto knife and gluestick! Posted by Hello

Friday, January 14, 2005


The biggest challenge for me is always deciding what clips to keep and what clips to get rid of from year to year. Obviously, you get rid of what people aren't laughing at, but there are some things you rotate out on the grounds that you don't want people to get sick of seeing it. For example, one of the cornerstones of my lineup last year was the Walker, Texas Ranger clips featured on Late Night With Conan O'Brien. The clips are hilarious, but I don't think I'll be bringing them back this year since I don't want people to get sick of them.

So I've found a suitable replacement. I'm going to show random clips from the movie Zardoz. If you haven't seen it, Zardoz is this crazy movie from the 70s starring Sean Connery. He spends the entire film dressed like this:

Zardoz Posted by Hello

Zardoz is of course, a giant floating stone head that spits guns from its mouth while proclaiming that the penis is evil:

Zardoz Posted by Hello

Sir Sean finds himself in situations where he has to fight off hordes of senile old folks:

Zardoz Posted by Hello

And so on and so forth. The film is so absolutely zany that you can literally just skip to a random scene and use that, and it'll work. There are some parts involving nudity, but I'll try and keep away from those.

The part with the animated penis erection complete with "sproing!" sound effects is definitely going in there though.

Cartoon Condoms in the New World Order

Jerry Beck sez: "The United Nations has announced the release this week of The Three Amigos, a series of 20 short, professionally produced animated Public Service Announcements designed to encourage the use of condoms to stop the spread of HIV/AIDS throughout the world. The three animated condom characters are named - get this - Shaft, Stretch and Dick.Posted by Hello

Monday, January 10, 2005

Hell Suggestions From Hell

Mike H. is doing a Hell at Arisia in Bahston, and I thought I'd chime in with a few suggestions that are pretty much applicable to any A/V Hell situation:

-Be prepared to run Hell with your own equipment. If the room is small you don't need a microphone. All you really need is a TV, a VCR, and a DVD. Bring a flashlight and a power strip and a few AV cords too.

-Have an introduction speech for the event. Let the audience know what Hell is and what it's about and what they can expect.

-Give a little intro or setup for each clip. If you show the Sailor Moon clip, you can say "Hey, who remembers Sailor Moon? Okay, who remembers the insanely terrible live-action American Sailor Moon pilot? No? Well, here it is." Or you can be as simple as "And now, here's a dog riding a bicycle." Just as long as you give the crowd a little context.

-Don't be afraid to halt the proceedings to discipline the rowdier elements of the crowd. A little audience participation is fine, but if the rest of the spectators can't hear or see due to their enthusiastic fellow crowd members, it's no fun for anybody.

-Sit down with all your material and work up a playlist. I like to group the clips by subject, but whatever works for you is fine. Print it out with a big font so you can see it in dim light. If you have a chance, run the material past friends and family to see if they think it's funny. Many times a clip I think is hilarious winds up being pretty flat when shown to an audience.

-Be prepared to jettison any amount of your scheduled material because of time constraints or in favor of newer, funnier material. Your playlist is a guide, not a straightjacket, and is subject to change at any time.

-Suggestions or requests are fine, but ultimately your gut feeling should rule the playlist. Maybe one or two loudmouths want you to show Monkey Versus Robot, but you have another clip in mind that will suit the mood better. You're in charge and should act like it. Plus, it just makes it sweeter when you run their request later.

-Your audience is depending on you to entertain them and is willing to sit through just about anything for the payoff of a laugh. Make SURE that the payoff is THERE. It only takes two or three minutes of no laughs for people to start looking at their watch and remembering they have somewhere else to be. DON'T GIVE THEM THOSE THREE MINUTES.

-Make sure the audience knows to let the convention organizers know they enjoyed the show
and that they want to see it back next year.

Thursday, January 06, 2005


Corn Porn Flicks' masterpiece CORN DOG 7 isn't just a brilliant parody of the WATERWORLD movie trailer, it's a scathing critique of bloated action movie formulae. And it's damn funny, too!

"In a world gone insane they were last hope for mankind . . . . THE CORN DOG 7!" See it with someone you love...