Sunday, December 26, 2010

The Day After Christmas

Yeah, there's language. And a man wish no hands who jizzes on women's shoes.


Saturday, December 25, 2010

And what did Santa bring YOU?

I was just thinking about toys and how my favorite Christmas was when I got all the He-Man figures (and Castle Greyskull!). I'm so glad my folks did not puss out on "girly" toys.


I'm not sure if this one is safe for work. Or anywhere, really.

Seasonal Sci-fi

If you have a little time, here's a nice little Christmas tale.

Christmas Double-Feature!

Two unrelated movies guaranteed to keep you busy for hours!

Friday, December 24, 2010


I was sick and slept all day

Granted, he's no Art Carney, but we do get Dickless from "Ghostbusters" and Richard Mulligan (who was great in "S.O.B.").

Merry Christmas, Middle East!

The Christmas Funnies!

Some adapted newsprint tripe guaranteed to make you fall asleep!

PEANUTS CLASSICS by Charles M. Schulz

BEETLE BAILEY by Mort Walker

GARFIELD by Jim Davis


B.C. by Johnny Hart






SNUFFY SMITH by Billy DeBeck

BLOOM COUNTY by Berke Breathed

ZIGGY by Tom Wilson

Thursday, December 23, 2010

It's A Canuck Christmas!

Some innovative, crazy and unique yuletide animations from our buddies up north.












From the director of Heavy Metal, featuring music by Paul Anka



NOEL NOEL (2003)

Avez-vous un Joyeux Noël!


It's true. They really will Sell you an aluminum* pole. The entire thing was started on this show called "Seinfeld", and if you have any questions about that, you can ask your parents or watch it late at night on local TV.

Considering American culture, it's no more or less significant than any other holiday.

Or, if you're in the UK, an aluminum pole.

The Night Before Christmas (1968)

This one always seems to be so forgotten, yet I bothered having watched it c/o home video now and then. A supposed true story of how Clement Clarke Moore wrote the famous poem featuring the Norman Luboff Choir. Of course if you bothered Wiki-ing on Moore himself, you might get a better idea of this guy and question whether or not he did in fact write "A Visit from St. Nicholas", but for now, just watch (if you can stomach the constant musical numbers here)!

Hey, it won an Oscar.

But wait! There's

(I think the ghost of Christmas Past looks like a Tralfamadorian.)

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Feel the love


Eel is a difficult fish to prepare. The eel is first filleted, and then grilled on open flame. This gets rid of excess fat under the skin, which is where the unpleasant scent mostly comes from. Then it is steamed to make the meat fluffy and to further drain out the oils. After this, it is once again grilled on open flame while basting it many times with eel sauce (unagi no tare) which is made from the eel trimmings, soy sauce, sugar, and sake (rice wine).

I don't like the little bones, but I can see why people think it's pretty neat.

Eels - "Christmas Is Going To The Dogs"

Candy Claws - "Snowflake Eel Wish"

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Damnit, Prancer!

That's just adorable. Now, let's see him dance to The Rite of Spring.

Two holidays for the price of one

You know, I had this grand plan for some solstice videos or an eclipse video or something, but I swear to you, I cold not find one that did not contain one of the following:
  • More text than anyone wants to look at
  • In a font that makes you want to puke
  • "Haunting" piano music
  • Mystical hippie-dippie music or similar "newage" (rhymes with "sewage"!) soundtrack
  • Someone who will not shut up about having a "double rainbow" experience.
Look, I went out there and I looked at it. Yes, it was surreal. No, it was not life-changing. It was one o'clock in the AM and I was tired. It turned red. I quoted Revelations. The roomie busted out the telescope and we looked at the moon. I went inside and watched the opening credits to Stanley Kubrick's "2001". I went to bed.

Yesterday, I scoured my collection (and everyone else's) to find something that would be appropriate. I found this god-awful thing about werewolves.

But then, I thought, hold on. The bestest movie ever about creepy things and the holidays has already been made. Yes, I know, you've seen it before. But isn't it nice to be reminded that there's a good movie that isn't "White Christmas" out there? Heck, decorate your tree, then turn it on its side and build a snake to eat it.

Boris Pickett - "Monster's Holiday"

Fiona Apple - "Sally's Song"

Last minute? Yes, it was.

Everthus - "Deadbeat Christmas"

Monday, December 20, 2010

David Sedaris

There is a longer version of this, unedited, that starts with a discussion of gun laws.

Meanwhile, here are the Santa Land Diaries.

A Blooming Raymond Briggs Christmas!

First off, the special that needs no special mention, the 1982 magnum opus "The Snowman".

After that, a little exposé with the man himself and his what he does with his time outside the annual sleigh run. "Father Christmas", together with his pets in his flat, vacationing around the world, getting sick and goes to the bathroom like you and me. Just make sure you don't talk about his 'rosy cheeks'!

This festive holiday presentation was brought to you by Irn-Bru, Kit Kat and the Cold War classic "When The Wind Blows".

And a Merry Blooming Christmas to you all!

Sunday, December 19, 2010


So! Criterion put out the DVD of The Tales of Hoffman. I had to watch it because, you know, it's Advent, and that means the "Nutcracker", and that was written by Hoffman.

Oh my god but this movie is sick.

The singing is fantastic, the dancing is fantastic, and the costume design is going to give me nightmares for weeks. Every set looks like the cover of a 50's sci-fi paperback. Jean Cocteau is watching this film from the grave and asking, "Why didn't I do that? Screw La Belle et la Bête."

I'm serious; I have to recover after watching this. The doll banquet has me massively skeeved.

Saturday, December 18, 2010

Everything about this is wrong

That's Herb Albert, who knows better. I mean, the guy created "Whipped Cream and Other Delights", fer crissake. The guy gave us Little Spanish Flea. Some of us have yet to forgive him.

Actually, Tijuana Christmas is a lesser offense. Alpert was actually inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame on March 13, 2006. Try to remember that the next time you listen to Casino Royale.

Keep those cards and letters coming!

Ah! What time does the post office close?

Friday, December 17, 2010


So, you're wondering what Saturnalia is. Well, there's a link. Have at.

To me, the whole idea of masters and servants switching places reminds me of Twelfth Night and Wassail.

There's a part of me that looks at all these Pagan holidays and says, "Suck it, xians!" but let's be honest here. At the end of the day, who cares? It's a time to spend with your folks and loved ones and share presents and food and warmth and all that happy stuff. It's a little light in the middle of winter and who cares how it started? Just be nice to each other, for Mithras' sake.

Artisan - "Somerset Wassail"

Indian music

I work in IT, so I get to work with a lot of "dee-vlop-ers" who often ask me to "do the needful". For a while, I worked for Verizon, translating emails from those developers into something the sales team could understand. I've shown the video above, and others by the same artist, to a programmer friend of mine in California and he says it's dead on.

So, what does this have to do with Christmas?

Well, I've got a couple versions of "Jingle Bells" here: one Punjabi and another Tamil.

Actually, this woman can explain it better.

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Still singing the blues?

Well, yeah. Still wishing for a happy holidays for everyone. I hear lottery-tickets make great stocking-stuffers!

Pearl Bailey - "A Five Pound Box of Money"

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Chritsmas cake!

Isn't that Pants Man from the toilet commercial?

Someone didn't pay their color bill

It's been a very tough time of year for a lot of folks, so let's all hope next year is better.

Blind Lemon Jefferson - "Christmas Eve Blues"

Johnny Lee Hooker - "Blues For Christmas"

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Potatoes are better when they're mashed.

The new SANTASTIC! is out for this year. I've been following these guys since 2005 at least and they are always worth it. I would recommend getting to know them, and their prior work, better.

I would post more of their videos, but they usually get taken down.

Dan Phillips - "Jingles are Jingles"

Monday, December 13, 2010

Sugar Plum Rum

This man is a master of his craft. Everyone else is just faking it.

The story of The Nutcracker and the Mouse King was written by E. T. A. Hoffmann. Alexandre Dumas' adaptation of the story was set to music by Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky and has become the most popular ballet performed around Christmas time. Because the ballet centers around a young girl's Christmas gift of a life-size nutcracker, it has become a standard performance during the Christmas holiday season.

Tchaikovsky hated the ballet. He also wrote "Swan Lake". Have you seen "Black Swan" yet? I've heard both good and bad.

Speaking of masters, here's some Duke Ellington.

X-Mas Trees for sale

Sunday, December 12, 2010


So, what does Eddie Izzard have to do with Christmas? Well, I have a favorite charity, Heifer International. Minor amounts of money give people around the world the means by which to sustain themselves.

And I like to give people bees. I know we haven't been that great about keeping bees in the developed world, with all that CCD and stuff, but I figure that sending bees somewhere will do some good.

Heifer has lots of other stuff that you can give, like trees and cows and such. It's like outfitting the apocalypse, so think about what you would like to have if society failed.

El Vez - "Oranges for Christmas"

Advent wreath people! Your readings for tonight's candle are Micah 5:2, Isaiah 2:1-5, and Matthew 2:1-2, 9-11 and 3:1-6. If you're going to do it, do it right.

Saturday, December 11, 2010

Support for the troops

Ah, Jona Lewie is good any time of year.

Though there was no official truce, about 100,000 British and German troops were involved in unofficial cessations of fighting along the length of the Western Front. The first truce started on Christmas Eve, 24 December 1914, when German troops began decorating the area around their trenches in the region of Ypres, Belgium.

The Germans began by placing candles on their trenches and on Christmas trees, then continued the celebration by singing Christmas carols. The British responded by singing carols of their own. The two sides continued by shouting Christmas greetings to each other. Soon thereafter, there were excursions across the 'No Man's Land', where small gifts were exchanged, such as food, tobacco and alcohol, and souvenirs such as buttons and hats. The artillery in the region fell silent that night. The truce also allowed a breathing spell where recently-fallen soldiers could be brought back behind their lines by burial parties. Joint services were held. The fraternisation was not, however, without its risks; some soldiers were shot by opposing forces. In many sectors, the truce lasted through Christmas night, but it continued until New Year's Day in others.

Have you considered Trees for Troops? Maybe you could write to your congressman and ask them to bring someone home for the holidays.

Bing Crosby - "I'll Be Home For Christmas"

Friday, December 10, 2010

Soviet "New Years" Cartoons for Young Comrades

Random toonage from Russia's famous Soyuzmultfilm Studios

Toys for Tots

I still can't watch this ad without getting all weepy. I hope that, this year, you can find it in your heart to give to one of the most efficient charities ever.

And here's a song that makes me all sad. "If I was Santa Claus" by Atmosphere.

Thursday, December 09, 2010

Santa wore black

These people are insane. I just want to say that now.

Krampus is a mythical creature. In various regions of the world – especially Austria and Hungary – it is believed that Krampus accompanies St. Nicholas during the Christmas season, warning and punishing bad children, in contrast to St. Nicholas, who gives gifts to good children. Due to German and Austrian influence, the myth of Krampus is also prevalent in Croatia, Slovakia, Slovenia and northern Italy.

Here's some Nine Inch Noels.

Wednesday, December 08, 2010

Rock, rock on!

Dude, it's Neil. It's like he brings his own hairspray and spandex pants.

Mojochronic - "Whoville (Won't get Yuled Again)"

Happy Bodhi Day

Bodhi Day has been observed on December 8th in Japan since the Meiji Restoration (1862-1869). It is the Buddhist holiday that commemorates the day that the historical Buddha, Siddhartha Gautauma, experienced enlightenment. According to tradition, Siddhartha had recently forsaken years of extreme ascetic practices and resolved to sit under a tree and simply meditate until he found the root of suffering, and how to liberate one's self from it.

I was hoping I could find a good Buddhist video for today, but either the video quality was terrible or the music was awful or they just kinda sucked. The best I could get for you was the above, featuring Guan Yin, the Goddess of Mercy, revered by Buddhists as the bodhisattva of compassion. Guan Yin is a compassionate being who watches for, and responds to, the people in the world who cry out for help.

By the way, those dancers in the video above? They're deaf.

Tuesday, December 07, 2010

Hope you're somewhere warm

I really did look for a better video of this. You anime music video people need to get cracking so I'll have something better next year.

Go Home Productions - "High Tides And Blocked Peace Pipes"

Thinking warm thoughts.....thinking warm thoughts....

Monday, December 06, 2010

What did you bring me?

Besides the 6th night of Hhhhhhhhanakah, it's also the feast day of Saint Nicholas. I hope everyone put out their wooden clogs to be filled with fruits and nuts. Yum.

Poj Masta - "Santar Klaws"

I survived Monday! It's a miracle!

Sunday, December 05, 2010


Today's piece of chocolate was a snowflake.

In the meantime, those of you with Advent wreaths should be lighting your first purple candle tonight. Scripture readings include Isaiah 11:1-10, Luke: 1:26-38, Isaiah 7:10-14, and Matthew 1:18-24.

Here's a song that can be either charming or creepy.
Tom Jones & Cerys Matthews - "Baby Its Cold Outside"

Santa, no!

Happy Twenty-First Amendment Day!

Sadly, in Texas, you can't buy liquor on Sunday. WHY MUST THIS STATE BE SO BACKWARDS?

Saturday, December 04, 2010

MC Dreidel spinnin' it for ya

If נ (nun) is facing up, the player does nothing.
If ג (gimel) is facing up, the player gets everything in the pot.
If ה (hei) is facing up, the player gets half of the pieces in the pot. (If there is an odd number, they round up)
If ש (shin) or פ (pei) is facing up, the player adds a game piece to the pot.

And now you know. Here's more from the same artist.

Snoop dogg featuring Kokane - "How we kick it on Christmas"

That'll learn ya....

Oh boy! Vocabulary!

Friday, December 03, 2010


Third night of Hanukkah and I demand latkes! I amuse myself while watching this by pretending that Bubbe is really Harlan Ellison in drag and on 20 mg of diazepam. I love the vent over her stove.

Tonight is also the last night you can safely eat Thanksgiving leftovers without a risk of serious illness. Don't worry; the cranberry sauce freezes just fine. You can also just mush that into a jar and make a nice holiday cordial. If you put it down now, it might be ready by Christmas.

The Free Design - "Close Your Mouth, It's Christmas"

I'm going to make this so easy

1 Maccabees 3:4 "In his acts he was like a lion, and like a lion's whelp roaring for his prey."

That's why you'll see lions on menorahs sometimes.


A brief explanation of what it's all about.

Thursday, December 02, 2010


Twenty years from now, the grandchildren of Anime Hell will show this video.

Besides lighting the other candles, the shamash is allowed to do more secular work. It's a handy little helper around the house. If you're going to be a douche and light a cigar off a menorah, make sure you use the shamash. If I hear you've done otherwise, I will come to your house and beat you with a chain.

Shamash is also the name of a Sumerian sun god. So there.

Today's advent lump is a candle. My life's actions are dictated by chocolate.

In the meantime, here's how to put real candles on your heathen tree. You all are such pagans, celebrating an evergreen in the middle of winter like that.

Vince Guaraldi Trio - "O Tannenbaum"

Wednesday, December 01, 2010

It's December already?

Oh yeah! It's December first and that means it's the first day of advent. I am now one crappy chocolate reindeer richer.

This year, it's also the first night of Hanukkah, so I am also some crappy chocolate coins richer. December is all about crappy chocolate in fun shapes.

I'm going to be posting a song for every day of advent. You heard me! Better than Halloween, maybe. I'll try to put up some fun and odd facts about this season while I'm at it.

Here's a holiday tune: Ryjaknic Kayducon - "Bells and Seegars"

Now, if you're asking why the Hanukkah song got a video but the Christmas song only got a little embed, well! We own the media, yo. It's not even a major holiday!