Escapes (1986)

I'm of two minds about this movie. On one side, I'm geeking out there's a Vincent Price movie I didn't know about. On the other side, I've watched this flick. It really could have been more.

Naw, I'm messing with you. It's awful. There's not much that could be done to make it better.

Vincent is the frame story on this one: both as a mailman who delivers the unordered VHS tape, then as the host of said tape. You could leave him out of the production altogether and the only thing you'd lose is someone going, "Oh, hey! A Vincent Price movie I haven't seen!"

The first story, "A Little Fishy" (7:40) goes where you knew it would go quickly enough to make it painless.

"Coffee Break" (12:45), on the other hand, wants you to slow down and take it easy. Don't be in such a rush to get to the punch-line! Here, have a cup of muddy water.

I didn't watch "Who's There" (26:48) without skipping through parts, so I can't say much for it. I can say it sucks, but that's about it.

"Jonah's Dream" (33:30) wants to be uplifting. I did actually get out of my chair to get something to snack on during this one. I didn't bother pausing.

"Think Twice" (53:56) has the soundtrack you've been waiting for. And the mustache. And the John Oates looking antagonist. And the crystal. What it does not have is any explanation for what happens or why.

I was kinda hoping this would be the story about the bum who finds the alien spaceship in an alley and mistakes it for a can of sardines. I only remember it was in OMNI magazine, but if you find it or remember anything about that story, please let me know.

By (1:02:00), we're back to the living room of our frame story. But wait! Vincent said there would be SIX stories! Yeah, we're gonna get a recap disguised as a stinger. You can watch that one on your own. The only good thing about it is Vincent's wonderful, wonderful laugh.

DAVID STEENSLAND, I WILL HUNT YOU DOWN AND MAKE YOU PAY.